i hate games

but maybe thats because i suck at them. the thought is not lost on me. and i am talking about the likes of street fighter and mortal combat...cause i was never good at those either, but really im talking about essentially everything to do w/ a high score in business and finance. one big fkg cluster fk.....im contemplating b-school and applications really steam me b/c on top of the grueling process of recommendation letters, transcripts, essays, extra curiculars, career advancement, leadership qualities, and the list goes on of tangible and intangibles required.....you still have to squeeze through the slim slit of acceptance and come up w/ the 100+K dollar tuition to attend in the end. like seriously? all of that isnt enough? you have to be chosen. chosen to pay? does that make sense to anyone else? i understand education isnt free, but a hundred thousand dollars is a lot of money. and you have to tailor your essays as to why this school instead of that school? you have to sit through the GMAT where they intentionally try to trip you up in every way possible? and yet thats not enough? theres still no concrete, objective measure for getting in? ie, if you do these things well, youre good? and theres absolutely no feedback on a hard earned failed attempt? i fkg hate games. the work place is one too. im good at what i do. but how is it that i still need to sell myself beyond my capabilities? that i have to schmooze w/ my boss. is that what i was hired for? does not my work speak for itself? did i miss the section in the job desctiption of kissing @ss? ugh. so frustrating. b/c i dont play the game well. i dont tell my boss every great thing i do or every disaster i steer us from. i get paid very well to do these things. i dont give status updates or look to approval to senior people i dont report to. yet i see these things time and time again get rewarded around me. and it just fkg pains me to have to do it. to deal with it. i know. you might say i should just get over it. stop being static. but its the principle. why do good work otherwise? why not just sell me instead? its certainly easier than producing. you might say leave. but almost everywhere in high finance is like this. and i love finance. i like to think i dont play them well b/c im a no nonsense kind of guy. merit should be rewarded on its own merit, even if you dont like the person. and any useless person should be extracted immediately. good luck to me and my crazy world. b/c apparently this view exists only inside my head. mmm. the worrying part is that in the grand scheme, life is but a game. but somehow i dont feel the weight of that as much as i feel the weight of its participants as we jostle for positioning in the material rat race.